Friday, June 26, 2009

I defy you to think of a better moment than this.  Laying on freshly cut grass, staring up into the canopy of a maple tree, silhouetted by a blue, orange and purple sunset.  The weather is such that the temperature is comfortable and the breeze doesn’t add cold but a massage to your skin and makes the maple leaves look as if they’re dancing and playing amongst themselves.  And good soft rock music, like Coldpay, Five For Fighting, Augustana, Ben Folds and Goo Goo Dolls.  It was complete bliss.  I am glad that amongst all the turmoil I can still appreciate moments like that. 

That moment made me remember a different moment.  There is a place in Seaside, if you drive past the Stand and take a left there is a place where the ocean comes in almost like a cove.  The seafloor must drop off rapidly as the waves are quite large and it’s a popular surfing spot.  The reason I like it is because there are plenty of places to park right behind really big rocks that you can sit on and watch the tide move in and out while you wait for sunset or the storm to finally come in, usually the latter.  I used to go there and find inspiration to write.  I’m not always a good writer, mostly I write for therapeutic reasons, but I have written some things that I think are quite good.  One of the best I songs/poems I’ve ever written I finished there at that spot after eating a Cheesy Gordita Crunch from the Taco Bell a mile or two away.  It’s a great spot. 

I’ve decided I need to be more appreciative of the things I do have.  I have a nice house with a nice yard.  I have a friend who gets me, maybe not the perfect friend, but someone who just gets me.  She shocked me a little recently with her insight into me.  I don’t know that she did it consciously, but it made me feel good that there was still someone out there who knew who I was fundamentally and beyond the surface.  I have trouble appreciated things like this right now because I don’t get the opportunity to express myself with it as much as I would like.  I’ve always been intrigued by things that have character and personality.  I don’t want to go to a big popular bar, I’d rather go to a hole in the wall that has a theme to it and everyone there feels like it’s “their” bar and they’re letting you in on a secret.  I like houses that aren’t cookie cutter, that have a unique design, like a loft, a den, or one of those peninsula like things where there are three windows in almost a half circle with a bench built into the wall beneath them. 

The first step towards my achieving a state of being “at home” has been taken.  Sadly, it’s out of my hands.  But I can hope.  We’ll see.